I Know

I have client that I see whom I lovingly refer to as my little old lady or sometimes just my little lady. The reality of the situation is that she's really not all that old at all. In fact, she's quite young to have a dementia diagnosis and she's rather progressed in the disease at this stage. But regardless, I LOVE, with my WHOLE HEART, seeing her and her INCREDIBLE daughter... There's something so magical about my time with them and honestly they appreciate what I do and music therapy in a way that few of my other clients can truly comprehend. Music gives something back to them... It gives them these magical, beautiful moments filled with laughter and smiles... Moments that maybe they wouldn't otherwise have together. And I know in those moments I share with them that I am so blessed to be a part of their story, their journey.

Let's be real my dear readers, life on this earth is but a breath. Should our moments not be as special and happy as we can make them?

When I was seeing my little lady this week something happened that struck me so hard I got in my car and sobbed on the way home. It was a very brief interaction, but enough to slap me in the face. I'm sitting with my little lady and her daughter. Daughter makes a comment about not having seen my little lady since our music therapy session the previous week and how she is a 'bad daughter'. I look at her and say "you are NOT a bad daughter." At which point I look at my little lady and say "tell her... she's a GREAT daughter." Daughter looks at my little lady and says "she'll never say that..."

And those 4 words ripped me to shreds... She'll never say that...

Now I'm not sure what exactly Daughter meant by that. Daughter has a very good sense of humor so maybe she was just joking around...  But the truth in this situation is that my little lady is at a late enough stage in the disease that she probably won't ever say those words. So saying "she'll never say that" is quite an accurate statement.

But my biggest fear is that maybe... just maybe... my little lady had never told her daughter that she is so very incredible...

As I sobbed, I had to call my mom on the way home from this session. I had to ask my mom to tell me that I was good daughter... (Never fear, sweet readers... She said that I was an awesome daughter.) But I had to hear HER say it; I had to hear her voice. Because if the day comes (and I pray to God above that it NEVER comes) and my mom can no longer speak to me, can no longer tell me, maybe doesn't even know me, I never want to say "she'll never say that."

If the day comes that I have to hire a board certified music therapist for my mom, and that therapist looks me in the eye and says "YOU are a great daughter," I want to say "I know. She told me. And I know she meant it."

So dear readers, hold your loved ones tight. Tell them what they mean to you so that if the day comes that YOU are no longer present, THEY never have to guess and they too can say "I know."