4 and a half weeks

It snowed here today and they didn't cancel school. Now someone please explain that business to me! We are predicted to get 1-3 inches of snow today and I still had to go to school -- so NOT cool! I'm hanging onto the slim hope that maybe we won't have school tomorrow. Say a prayer! Would absolutely LOVE to have tomorrow off. :) The picture is of the frozen pond outside my house. Beautiful, huh? Look at that whole inch of snow on the steps! hehe

In other news, I've applied for some summer jobs. Nothing fabulous and nothing very career oriented. But after 7 months of no paycheck, I'm definitely in need of some monies. A couple of them could be potential 'get my foot in the door' type gigs. We'll see how it all pans out. Regardless, I'm sure things will work out. They always do.... I just wish I had a little more direction in my life right now...

I officially have 4 and a half weeks left of my internship and those are very sweet words to my ears. Although, they would be much sweeter if they were "I'm done with my internship". I feel like I've come to the point where I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to move onto the next stage, even if I have absolutely no idea what that stage is exactly. I'm praying the next 4 and a half weeks don't drag unmercifully on.... but of course then there's the ever pressing question of "what now?".

We are in the middle of Exceptional Children's Week at two of my schools. This means I've got two big shows going on. One is themed So You Think You Can Dance? and the other is themed A Year in Review. The kids are doing pretty well considering they haven't had too long to rehearse their numbers (maybe a month-ish). We'll be performing the shows on Thursday and Friday of this week. Wish us luck!

Wedding plans are coming along. We officially sent out our Save-The-Dates (as you have probably noticed :). I've bought a dress and my girls have bought their dresses. We have a church to get married in, a reception hall that will feed us, and not to forget a DJ for dancing the night away (bring your dancin' shoes!). So regardless of how everything else turns out we'll at least have a ceremony and eatin' and dancin'. :) What more could you need?

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next 4 and a half weeks. I desperately need them.

Much love!

In a funk

I'm in a funk and I've been in a funk for the last 2 weeks. :(

Last week I just felt like I couldn't get anything together. It seems I forgot everything I was supposed to be doing/bringing to my sessions -- I'm sure I would have forgotten my head if it wasn't attached to my body. Ugh...it was NOT fun to say the least. This week I've just been down in the dumps...thinking about the future really gets to me. I've been job hunting and can't seem to find anything and I'm PETRIFIED to try and do the 'create your own program' thing. It is so intimidating to even think about...I just all in all don't feel very adequate. I also feel like the professionals who are supposed to be helping just aren't being very helpful. *sigh*

I know another part of my funk revolves around the fact that I'm feeling the next transition stage of my life creeping its way up. I am HORRIBLE with transitions. I like predictability. I like knowing what's next. And I have no IDEA what is coming next. All the pieces are massively up in the air and it scares the snot out of me. I don't know where I'm going to be come mid-April...and mid-April is not that far away. I'm so scared that I'm going to fail.... :(

And all in all this leads to me being in a 2 week funk... *sigh*

Any suggestions for how to shake this??

In fairness...I have made at least 2 decision in regards to the future: 1 pretty major and 1 minor (but hopefully will be major).

The major decision: I think most everyone knows by now, BUT for those who read my blog and perhaps don't know, Kevin and I are engaged. We are going to get married August 7th, 2010. It was an absolutely beautiful proposal with family and friends around. The ring is gorgeous! I couldn't be happier. I'll put up a pic of the ring in my next post for all the curious parties who haven't seen it yet. :) The pic below was taken the night of the proposal. I would like everyone to note that I bought Kevin that tie in Thailand.

The minor decision (that will hopefully become a major decision): I've decided to pitch a music therapy job to a therapy practice in Kansas City. I'm absolutely terrified. I suppose if nothing else it will be a good learning experience. Regardless, I'm still terrified. I really feel drawn towards pitching to this specific practice so I've decided to just walk forward in faith. I'm sure that the anxiety I feel about this prospect is also contributing directly to my funk...

Hope all is well with all of you! I'm 2 months and 1 week away from the completion of my internship. My how time flies....

I'm on a plane

I'm sitting in the plane flying a million feet in the air and I'm maybe an hour away from home....

I have never been so excited in my life to get back to such a FREEZING place. :)

I hope to see YOU ALL while I'm home over the next 2 weeks!!!!

There's no business like show business

(or maybe in light of the holidays we should say snow business :D)

So this was the crazy week of holiday performances! I wish I could show you pics of the kids...but b/c of confidentiality I can't... :(

Anyway, at one of my elementary schools we have for the last month and half been preparing our holiday show. It basically consists of singing, signing, props, instruments, a snow machine...you name it and we have it our show. We had 2 back-to-back performances at the school on Tuesday. On Monday we took our show on the road...we performed it at the local high school and Wal-Mart. I really wish I could show you pictures so that you could see that sheer CHAOS that ensues when you have 60 (that's right 6-0!!!) special needs kids performing - MADNESS! And I'm talking every level of special needs you can imagine from the most high functioning to the most low functioning - they were all there. AND somehow (and I have no idea how) they managed to pull it off every time without any major catastrophes - A-MA-ZING!

I never really considered performing as a part of music therapy prior to my internship. But the more I think about it, the more I think it is an awesome idea. There are so many beneficial skills that can be learned from performing and preparing to perform. But think about this too, when you go out in public you rarely see special needs kiddos... Well we had 60 of them out in public all at once AND they were doing something to not only give back to the community, but to promote public awareness of special needs. They presented themselves in a such a positive way that it makes me want to cry... And there was not a dry eye in Wal-Mart when those kids busted out Hap Palmer's Things I'm Thankful For.... If you don't know the song check it out: http://www.stumbleaudio.com/#happalmer5/8. Now imagine special needs kiddos signing, singing, etc. to this song. Absolutely beautiful.

During our performances at the elementary school Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus decided to make an appearance. The lady on Santa Claus's lap is Amber, my internship director. The other young lady is Caitlin, one of my fellow interns.

I'm so looking forward to being back in KS for a couple weeks (even if it is a little chilly :). For those who don't know, I'm flying in on Dec 19th and I'll leave Jan 3rd. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see anyone and everyone that I can!

The Bell Tree

So I don't know if this will help.... I hope it does...

In my internship, I have three "target" students. For those three students, I do a full assessment, treatment plan, data, weekly progress notes, the works basically. I have spent time digging into their files, talking to their teachers, observing in the classroom, getting to know them individually, etc. One of my target students unexpectedly passed away this weekend... He was seven years old and profoundly disabled. He was nonverbal, wheelchair bound, and had horrible muscle contractions. It was so difficult to know how much of his behavior was intentional....except when he smiled - that was his form of communication. And he had the most beautiful smile. I lived for those smiles. I would do virtually anything to get a smile from him.

We have this bell tree instrument. It looks like this:

We would use it in our sessions to make the "all finished sound". Basically after we completed an activity, we would use the bell tree to make the "all finished sound". I use it primarily as a form of reinforcing good behavior. I usually say something to the effect of "[student's name] was doing a super fabulous job so he gets to make the all finished sound". BUT for my target student, we used it solely to get that smile. We would bring the bell tree to him and play it a few times and he would break out into the world's biggest smile - it would melt your heart. Then we would put the mallet into his hand and help him play the bell tree. He would just grin from ear to ear.

It's so hard to believe I won't ever see that smile again. I've never lost a student or a client before....it's so hard....

Sometimes I think in my profession there is a tendency to get stuck on numbers and data. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be an emphasis there - we need those numbers to further our field. But right now, my little seven year old student is gone and I could care less about the numbers...at the end of the day I'm just glad I got him to smile. At the end of the day, I'm glad for a little while he wasn't crying in pain because he was smiling.

I know he is in a better place....but he is missed and loved down here.

Thoughts from the deck: part 2

Okay so it is official...I'm a terrible blogger! :) lol I promise I will try to update more often than once every month from here on out. It's so hard to believe that I've been in my internship now for almost 2 months! Holy smokes! I adore my kids (except when they spit on me or kick me lol - but I guess that comes with the territory). And although I struggle with having fundamental belief differences from my supervisors, I'm at least figuring out how to 'make it work'.

I feel like I've become a little bit of a workaholic and not on purpose. I just feel like there is so much to do and never enough time in the day to do it. And truth be told my motivation level may be marginally low right now (read: sure would be nice to get paid for all the work I do - oh well...someday...).

I recently joined a small group study at a different church than the one I had been attending. It's a young adult women's group and the girls all seem very sweet. It's nice to have interactions with people my age even if it is only once a week for a couple hours. Although, the ladies did invite me to go see a movie with them last Friday - I was ecstatic!! Unfortunately, I had other plans...bummer... I just found it so amusing in that if they had asked me on any other Friday in the past 2 months I would have been free. I never have plans except on the one Friday that I got invited to go do something... grrr... But in fairness, my plans were to go see my uncle's choral guild concert and I really had a blast. I felt like a proud parent watching my uncle sing in the choir and in an SATB quartet. I've really come to cherish my relationship with my uncle especially considering that we had NO relationship at all prior to my moving to Atlanta. Both him and his partner have become very near and dear to my heart. We all went out for coffee after the concert and I proceeded to explain to them that the paper coffee cups from Starbucks are really bad for the environment and they should be using reusable mugs. lol (Erin - we are saving planet earth, one piece of trash at a time!)

Let's see what else is new! I'm on Blossom (the doggie) duty tonight so we will head for a walk pretty soon I think. Although the darn time change has made it awful dark for 6:30pm. I shouldn't complain, I'm still fortunate enough to be having decent weather (60 degrees! w00t!), The trees are starting to change colors and I must say the scenery is breathtaking.

I hope everyone had a very happy and safe Halloween. Love you and miss you all!

A name tag

Holy smokes! I guess I'm official now - I have a name tag and everything! Too bad that name tag still doesn't keep me from having to sign in as a visitor at some schools. Seems like those office ladies refuse to believe that I am indeed NOT a visitor even though I've explained to them on multiple occasions that I work at that school. And now I even have a name tag to prove it! lol oh well...

On the subject of being an almost professional, I also have my very own HUGE desk in an office that I share with 2 other ladies (my primary supervisor and the general music teacher). It's full of instruments and resources. Everything a beginning music therapist could ask for. Now if only I could get the logistics of toting instruments around everywhere figured out, my days would run a little more smoothly.

Today was my first day of actually getting to plan and lead part of the session. It was AMAZING. I love working with the kids. At first I thought, I would be extremely nervous and that I would just be looking forward to the day being over. But honestly, the more sessions that I did, the more comfortable it became and the more I enjoyed what I was doing. It felt so good to be in that position again. The last three weeks I've been flat out observing which, don't get me wrong, is very valuable. A lot can be learned from watching the professionals working in your field. But man was I getting stir crazy!! I was so ready to get my hands on those kids! I have the best group of kids on Monday mornings (not to mention some of the best staff members which can seriously make A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE). It so nice to start the week out right with an excited, energetic, and absolutely adorable group of kindergartners.

I'm still loving Atlanta. Although I'm hardcore missing everyone back home. While my professional life is finally picking up, my personal life seems to be slowing down. Things are somewhat lonely and I seem to be struggling to make genuine connections with people my age. I keep telling my people back home that I know my future friends are out here somewhere, but I just can't seem to find them. It's like they're hiding from me...

I'm slowly but surely adjusting to traffic. Although, it still makes me LIVID especially on days that I have to drive to the south part of the county (when I drive south I have to drive straight through downtown Atlanta...which no matter the time is ALWAYS a hot mess!). Gimme 6 more months and I just might figure it out :)

Until next time! Gonna go eat some wheat thins, sip on a diet coke, and watch the fountain from my deck!